Throw a Stone into a Pond and the Ripples Spread

‘Killing yourself is a major commitment; it takes a kind of courage. Most people just lead lives of cowardly desperation. It’s kinda half suicide where you just dull yourself with substances.’

Robert Crumb

I didn’t know Caroline Flack.

I have no right to speak about her private life or the circumstances of her death. But like so many, I remember her – from CBBC, TMi on Saturday mornings, her banter with Olly Murs on The Xtra Factor, and her performances on Strictly Come Dancing. She was charming, funny, flirty, and talented. Beyond that, I know nothing about her. And yet, like millions of others, I was drawn to the headlines and speculation surrounding her final days.

I’m not an expert on mental health, but I have lived experience. I have spoken to The Samaritans during a dark period. A stranger stayed on the phone with me for nearly an hour, listening without judgement. I have attempted suicide. My reasons were complex, messy and personal – and almost no one knew. Even those closest to me didn’t fully understand.

That’s what happens when someone reaches that place: you believe no one will care, or that your disappearance will barely register. “Who gives a shit?” you think.

And yet when a public figure dies, social media erupts. We dissect their choices, speculate on motives, and offer our own “facts” – forgetting that behind the headlines is a person whose full story we will never know.

The Samaritans call this “melodramatic depictions,” “speculation” and “unsubstantiated links.” We fill in blanks with our own narratives, convincing ourselves that our version must be true. We did it with Heath Ledger, Michael Hutchence, Chester Bennington – and now Caroline Flack.

We must stop.

Our experiences of pain or domestic violence do not give us licence to judge someone else’s. Two journeys to the same destination will never be the same.

Cultural theorist Efrat Tseelon describes the “impossible space” – the paradoxical demands placed on women, embodied in Pandora, created to punish mankind and endowed with beauty, gifts, and dangerous flaws. History reduces her to a cautionary tale. We do the same to real women, reducing complexity to a neat, digestible story.

Did Caroline Flack take her life because of social media, public scrutiny, lack of support, or heartbreak? We don’t know. We weren’t there. We didn’t know her. And we don’t have the right to simplify or condemn.

Laura Whitmore summed it up best: be kind.

Consider how your words and actions might affect others. Treat mental health with the respect it deserves. Speak as though it’s the last thing you’ll ever say to someone – and make sure it’s not hateful or judgemental.

Life is complicated. Suicide is complicated. People are complicated.

And because we don’t know the whole story, the least we can do is choose compassion over speculation.