I see bullied people-they don’t know they’re being bullied.

'Do No Harm' was an opportunity to tell the stories of others. It aimed to give a voice to those who had been denied one, felt unheard, or simply didn't know how to share their experiences.

A Journey of Reflection

It was an honour and a privilege. This path was unexpected, but I am grateful I took it. Oddly, my experiences with bullying became some of the best moments of my life. I know, it sounds strange, right?

To that end, I wrote a second book. Many stories could not be included in 'Do No Harm' for various reasons. The second book became a platform to share these untold stories. It also allowed me to add reflective pieces shared with me since the release of DNH. All were powerful and sad, told by courageous individuals. Despite being anonymised, they took brave steps to speak to me—whether as friends, colleagues, or complete strangers. Thank you to all of you. This work is nothing without your voices.

More Stories to Tell

I also had other stories to share. Not about me—enough already, I hear you cry! I understand. However, I had more tales concerning individuals I have known throughout my life and career. These stories were shared in 'It Doesn't Happen Everywhere; It Shouldn't Happen Anywhere,' the second book in the series aimed at raising awareness of the toxic culture within the NHS.

Diane's Story

It was one thing to experience bullying and harassment during my nursing career. It cost me my job. Yet, those experiences led to a bestselling book in the US and a hit new release in the UK. Most importantly, they provided a platform for those who suffered and continue to suffer. They gave me a chance to tell their stories, allowing their voices to be heard, albeit anonymously. This support reached many colleagues, strangers, and individuals who had not been able to share their suffering at the hands of others in the NHS.

However, there are many aspects of my nursing career that I never shared. One of these was witnessing the bullying of others who were unaware it was happening. I had three colleagues during my time as a nurse: Diana, Vicky, and Pam.

Diana was a knowledgeable and devoted nurse I had known for many years. Vicky was someone I respected highly. I learned a great deal from her, even if we didn't always see eye to eye. Pam, on the other hand, was a stranger to me. She didn't know me, yet she joined in the 'stick the boot in' bandwagon.

Each of these individuals played a role in my experiences with bullying, though they likely do not realise it. I was privy to their bullying when they were unaware. At the time, speaking up would have felt like telling tales, being a rat, or stirring the pot. Hopefully, as I write and you read this, it will become clear why I felt that way.

Diane, a nurse I once worked with, was away from work for a time. As a friend, I visited her often, messaged her regularly, and called to check in. I wanted to ensure she was okay and keep her updated on work matters. I assumed everyone else was doing the same. They sent flowers and cards, expressing their hopes for her recovery and how much they missed her. While not all sentiments were false, many genuinely cared for Diane.

When the time was right, she returned to work. All seemed well, or so I thought. However, I faced criticism from colleagues about why I spent so much time checking on her. They questioned why I seemed more concerned about her than anyone else. This was disappointing to hear from colleagues I expected to be more caring and thoughtful. Yet, I couldn't tell Diane what they were saying about her. I chose to do what I could when I could.

When I left nursing, I was shocked to learn that an accusation had been made against me for favouritism. Yes, you read that right. Diane was used against me by those accusing me of bullying to support their claims that I was a terrible individual.

Here is something from Thee Who Shall Not Be Named about Diane:

'xxx xxxxx xxxx has xxx xxxxx xxx and Diane one, but a larger workload. I feel that DM picked up a lot of her work. xxx xxxxxx xxxxx twice told me she felt that Diane was doing less than her.'

The most shocking revelation came when I learned that TWSNBN had a plan to manage Diane out of her job. They believed she was not up to the task and was a liability. I felt this was not only unfair but immoral. I begged her to reconsider once I learned of this plan. The following day, I was informed that my words had resonated, and the decision to proceed with the plan was postponed.

This is how it should be. Diane was a fantastic nurse, someone I always held in high esteem. She taught me much about how education and practical aspects work hand in hand.

The Bigger Picture

Unfortunately, this situation reflects a growing trend within the NHS. It is not just about my book; it is evident in the news. As recently as November, the CQC identified a 'culture of bullying and harassment' in a Shropshire hospital. They cited a 'culture of defensiveness from the executive team, staff fearful of raising concerns, low morale among staff, high levels of stress, and staff feeling undervalued.'

A month earlier, the Telegraph reported that bullying and harassment could be costing the NHS over £2 billion per year in England alone. Policymakers increasingly regard reducing bullying and harassment in the NHS as a priority. Yet, it remains an ongoing issue, with little change in reported levels of bullying over the past three years.

The story of Vicky's unwitting bullying will be in the next part of this three-part series. Unwittingly, I believe that being laughed at, joked about, and criticised behind one’s back is worse than being aware of bullying.

In my naivety, I didn't do enough with what I knew. I did what I could, but hindsight reveals I should have done more. My shame and guilt linger as I reflect on how to be better as an individual. I always hope that Vicky somehow knew how much I fought for her and tried to protect her.

In the end, our failures often teach us more than our successes.